5 Ways We Tend to Self Sabotage

We know that we like to take care of ourselves, we take efforts to make sure that we are okay emotionally and physically. However, there would be certain situations that may affect who we are. Sometimes these could be things that we may be doing to ourselves unknowingly. In a way sabotaging ourselves and the things we consider important. Let’s look at five ways we may cause self sabotage,

Putting oneself down: One of the easiest and common ways we tend to sabotage ourselves is by considering ourselves as inferior. We consider ourselves less important than others and stop going after what we really want. We may miss or avoid the opportunities that come to us because we feel that we are not good enough for it. Thus, missing out on the potential to be who we can truly be. Think about it, how do you define yourself? Do you know what your capabilities are? If you do, are you using those capabilities? If you don’t know them, are you trying to figure them out? Do you think less about yourself? If you do so, why? What makes you think and feel like that? It is important to analyze these few crucial questions to know the way we understand ourselves and learn to not sabotage ourselves by thinking ourselves as inferior or not good enough.

Staying in the Comfort Zone: All of us have a comfort zone, whether it’s in our personal life or work, we are familiar with an environment where we are in control of things and we understand the things that happen there. For some, the comfort zone could be going to the office, doing the work and coming back home. They are familiar with this zone as they are used to it. However, going out of the comfort zone here could be interacting with new people at the office and making presentations for a project or working on a specific goal. The things the person has not done before. Similarly all of us have a familiar zone where we are comfortable, breaking this zone or coming out of it could be a hard task. But, do we need to step out of our comfort zone? We seem to be doing okay there, and quite used to it also. However, true growth happens only outside the comfort zone. The understanding of one’s true potential only happens outside one’s comfort zone. It is where we are exposed to new environments, new people and new challenges which are different from the ones we are so used to. It is under these new challenges we learn to thrive, push ourselves and become more than who we are. Ask yourself, are you in your comfort zone? What will you begin to achieve when you try to step out of it?

Lack of Healthy Boundaries: Relationships are the key to long term happiness. It is not a luxury, but a necessity. It gives life meaning and brings about a sense of contentment. As good and important relationships are, it is equally important to have healthy boundaries within them. Steve Maraboli once said, “A healthy relationship is one in which love enriches you, not imprisons you.” Quite often there are relationships and people in our lives that tend to drag us down emotionally and mentally. In these relationships we constantly find criticisms, lack of understanding and emotional support when we require it. Along with disregard for our feelings and emotions. They may not listen to what we are trying to say but rather judge us for feeling a certain way. 

This is where boundaries come in. This is where one needs to learn to know who they can depend on for support, comfort and with whom they can truly express themselves. Good relationships encourage, motivate and help us to become better. They provide a support system that we can rely on when we need to. Take time and analyze the people and relationships in your life. How are they affecting you emotionally and mentally? Are they affecting you positively or negatively?

Not Expressing How You Truly Feel:  A recent survey done in India revealed that more than 60% of employees are not happy with their job. In these less than 10% tell their managers or supervisors that they are not happy with their job. Thus, resulting in no change to their situation. We often hold back our core emotions and feelings, suppressing and pushing them down. We try to live by not letting others know how we really feel inside. Especially the emotions of hurt, pain and disappointment. We may also have our reasons to do that, sometimes we may have tried to do so, however was not received well by others. Or we do not know how to express these painful emotions. Even though these reasons may stop us from expressing, it is one of our core psychological needs to express. The more we suppress this basic need, the more intense they become and the more they begin to hurt us. Sooner or later, they start to affect our daily activities and things we care about, such as our relationships, work and personal life. 

Thus, begin slowly. Start to tell someone about your emotions and feelings. Someone who you feel can understand you or try to understand you. Try journaling as well, noting down your feelings and thoughts on a day to day basis. These things will slowly help you to let out what’s inside rather than suppressing and sabotaging yourself.

Not Taking Care of Your Mental Health: If I could ask you to list down things you are doing daily for your mental health, how many will you be able to write down? Today, we are surrounded by things that can affect our mental health negatively, whether it’s work life imbalance, lack of quality relationships, stress, anxiety etc. So, taking care of one’s mental health is a necessity and priority. After the pandemic began, the level of stress has increased profoundly among the individuals. There is pressure at work, with increased work timings and schedules, with less time to spend with family and loved ones. With all these many are turning to Netflix and social media to manage these stress and anxieties, which in turn is only a temporary fix and not doing anything to manage these issues in the long run. This in a way also indicates how unaware we are when it comes to taking care of our emotional self. This unawareness is creating more damage than ever. Hence, begin to care for your emotional self. Learn to take breaks between your work, learn to express your feelings and emotions, engage in hobbies and activities that you are interested in. Explore new hobbies as you try out your old ones. Paint, draw or sketch, learn to play a musical instrument, a new language, exercise, find your passion and follow it. Learn new things and skills, increase your knowledge on your interests. Spend time reading a book, even writing one. Journal your thoughts everyday and speak to a professional if you feel the need to.