Emotional Intelligence

How often do we come across this term? What does this term mean? How important is it in our everyday lives?. Let’s begin with reflecting on these few questions. To answer its meaning, Emotional Intelligence or Emotional Quotient is our ability to understand and manage our own feelings and emotions, and at the same time understand the emotions of those around us as well. It extends to also not getting negatively influenced by our emotions and feelings in key areas of our life, whether it being personal or professional life. 

Now coming to its importance, quite often we think and make decisions in response to our feelings and emotions. These feelings may not always be healthy for us. For e.g. In anger, one might decide to hurt or cause harm to the other person. This decision came from the emotion of anger which may cause the individual to make a wrong choice. Similarly, imagine making decisions based on how we feel all the time. It can lead to many wrong turns and disappointments in life. 

This is where EQ comes in, helping us to understand that we need not depend on our emotions, as they are not constant. EQ helps us to know the consequences of the decisions we make due to emotions and feelings. 

What does EQ do?

1. It helps us understand ourselves better, with regard to our feelings and emotions.
2. EQ lets us know the cause of our emotions, for e.g. what makes us angry? What makes us sad or happy? How do our relationships affect us emotionally? etc.
3. It helps us to be empathetic towards others. To be caring towards someone who is sad, or comfort someone who is in pain. 
4. EQ, thus helps to understand what others are going through emotionally and respond accordingly. 
5. Often we judge people for their actions, however EQ helps us to see beyond and understand the reasons behind those actions. 
6. One understands through EQ that emotions are okay. There are no wrong emotions, they are a response to the events that one goes through. 
7. EQ helps one to express their emotions rather than suppress them. 

Developing EQ:

1. Being Self Aware: To develop EQ, it is important to notice and be aware of one’s own feelings and emotions. Identifying the emotional reactions to situations and events happening around the person. Imagine you are about to give an important interview, and you want to make sure that you give your best, what kind of thoughts would be running in your mind? Would you be calm or nervous? If nervous, how would you handle that nervousness? Think about it for a minute. This awareness of self and emotions in situations helps to manage yourself better. 

1. Journaling: How to become aware of our thoughts and emotions better?. One of the most effective ways to do so is by writing them down. Journaling your everyday thoughts and emotions helps to have more clarity and understanding of the same. When we begin to write and notice what we have written, we also begin to understand how we think and how emotions affect us. Once we understand that, we can begin to make changes in the way we think it needs to be done so, and start to think more positively.

1. Empathy: One of the most important lessons taught in Counseling is to have empathy. Empathy towards the person who is coming in for the session. It is through empathy one is able to connect well with those around them. Through empathy we learn to understand what the other person might be going through emotionally and mentally. Once we understand that, we begin to show kindness and care towards the same person. Thus, through empathy we become emotionally mature and ultimately leading to becoming emotional quotient.

1. Locus of Control: Quite often we are worried about things which are not in our control, whether it’s work, family or personal life. For e.g. if you were about to give a presentation before 100 people, what you might be worried about could be, whether the people will like your presentation or not, what if they judge you? What if they laugh while you are presenting? etc. If you take a moment to analyze these thoughts, we can see that the things you are worried about are not in your control, or are the things that you cannot do much about.

Continuing to worry about them will only add more pressure and stress to you. Through EQ, we learn to begin to focus on things which are in our control, i.e. the preparation, the execution and delivery of the presentation. All these things are in our control and we can do something about it. Focusing on these things will help to stay more relaxed and motivated. Similarly, in your situations, analyze what is in your control and what is not. Pay attention and spend your energy only on things that are in your control. 

1. Pause and Observe: Many times we flow with our thoughts, especially when we are in stressful situations. Research says that 80% of the time we are worried about things that might not happen. It holds true for both our personal and professional lives. Thus, without even our awareness we begin to feel anxious, stressed and disappointed. EQ helps us to understand that thoughts are not facts. Just because we have a negative thought, it does not mean that we need to pay attention to it, react or act according to it. We don’t have to. They will eventually move on if we do not give importance to it. Of course, this is not an easy task.

We are so used to paying attention to our thoughts and feelings and behaving accordingly. Thus, it is important we begin to learn to pause and observe our thoughts. Observe whether the thoughts we are having hold true to our situations or not. Are they helpful or not? Are they facts? Do you need to give importance to them?. If not, slowly learn to not react to them. Shift your focus and attention to things elsewhere. In a stressful situation next time, rather than being overwhelmed by thoughts, pause and observe. 

By consciously applying these factors in our everyday lives, it becomes more easy to move from being overwhelmed by emotions to taking control of the way we feel and react to the situations around us. Thus, developing EQ.