The 5 Myths About Happiness

Emotions play a crucial role in everything that we do and influence our decisions on our careers, relationships and even our personal lives. Happiness is one of those emotions that help us to manage and balance our daily lives. At times, emotions can make us feel overwhelmed and vulnerable as easily as they make us feel strong. The most common emotions that we experience in our lives are happiness, anger, sadness, hurt, disgust, surprise, fear etc.

Among all these emotions, often our first preference is for the emotion of happiness. We prefer this emotion and strive to keep having it. We even tend to avoid and suppress other emotions in order to experience the emotion of happiness.

Why do we do that? What makes this emotion more important than any other? Of course, we understand that happiness makes us feel good and excited about life. It makes life more fulfilling and joyful. It makes relationships work and everything around us better. Sometimes, it becomes our core motivation to do the things that matters to us the most. However, there are certain beliefs about happiness which may in turn negatively affect the emotion. 

Quite often in my sessions, one of the key issues discussed by the clients is lack of happiness, not feeling happy in the things they do. This is making them feel stressed, frustrated and angry. In almost all these cases there would be an internal or external factor which might be affecting the clients. However, that same factor is ignored in order to be happy again. Yet, this same factor is what needs to be addressed to be okay and be happy eventually. This rush to be happy again is making one suppress or avoid the other important emotions such as sadness, pain or hurt which eventually is making one feel more worse about themselves. Thus, let’s understand a few beliefs about happiness which may be causing more harm than good.

1. We need to be happy all the time:

We endure many emotions, happiness is only one among them. It is a preferred emotion, however not the only emotion we need. All the other emotions are equally essential and important as that of happiness.

The belief that we need to be happy always, will only make us suppress our other emotions (consciously or unconsciously) that are related to the situations we face. The more we suppress an emotion, the more intense and hard it becomes to deal with. For e.g. if a person who is dealing with a break up feels that he needs to be forcefully happy, he will start doing things with that intention. During this attempt, he will suppress his other related emotions (which could hurt, sadness or anger) and eventually make those emotions much harder to deal with later. It is important to face our emotions as they are rather than pushing ourselves to be happy every time.

2. Happiness is a Destination:

Most often, we tend to schedule our happiness. We tell ourselves that when we reach a certain level in our careers, or earn a certain amount of money, or marry someone of our choice, then only we will be happy. Reaching a certain level in any area of our lives will definitely make us feel good and happy, however this level may not define our ultimate happiness. Happiness is present where we are. It is present in the current level you are at, it does not have to be a destination rather than a journey. In order to understand and be happy in the present, it is important to understand what is it that makes you happy? What can you do to increase your emotion of happiness? What activities can you involve yourselves in? Answering these questions will help us to shift our focus back to the present rather than waiting for happiness in the future.

3. Happiness is based on Getting Something:

This is a follow up to the above point where we know that happiness is not due to external factors. Even after acquiring that job, money or relationship, we will find certain disappointments in all these factors.

Research says that money makes only 10% of our happiness and the remaining 90% is our environment and our reactions which basically mean that it depends on us whether we choose to be happy or not. It is thus important to make these aspects a part of our happiness rather than the ultimate happiness. Remember, happiness is a choice.

4. Happiness is the Definition of Being Normal:

We are often being told that there is something wrong and abnormal if you are not happy. This is not completely true. We go through stress and many challenges on a daily basis which makes it difficult for us to be happy all the time. It is thus okay to feel other emotions and experience them as normal, as long as you are able to manage the same. Happiness doesn't have to be the definition of normal.

5. Happiness is the Ultimate Goal of Life:

We are set in the pursuit of happiness with the belief that it is our ultimate goal - not true. Our goal can be to be someone or to do something where happiness is a part of it. We are meant to experience all our emotions, that is the price we pay when we live life to the fullest. Sometimes, the true meaning and purpose of life comes from our deepest pain and sufferings.